I've gone through more periods of feeling... flat or maybe drifting... is best I can describe. Both at work and at home, no excitement, not feeling or doing much that feels like progress. Looking back on it, much could well be attributed to weather; so much grey, not much summer sun. It's recently warmed up a bit (finally) and I've had some cycles in the sun, and I'm generally feeling much better. I've also pushed myself to take some time alone at home to sort a few things out (LJ being one of them) and same at work. Back to this idea of inertia, and also of moving things forward, of doing something different and making a change.
Things I need: sun, exercise, time alone for reflection, momentum
Interests that fulfil me: cooking, music, wine
The above two points I've covered so many times. Odd how I need to still remind myself. That's that reflection time, effort to stay centred.
I've also felt a little in a rut with friends. I keep thinking about the Old Gang, but I always seem to stop short of trying to arrange something. One idea was to arrange something around Hampstead, our old mutual stomping grounds. My gf and I ended up on the Heath yesterday and had the perfect time; I do not think they would have added to that. Perhaps I'll try once again to get us all at the brunch bingo one weekend - that will give us an activity and focus which is where I'm more comfortable with that group. Or maybe they will continue to drift further away. I've also had recent thoughts of the friends I had when I first moved here. Again, maybe a trip out to the Cotswolds to see them would be a fun getaway (or maybe it would be awkward as hell). I should point out that I'm a-OK with my current close group. We're all in regular contact -- not just meaningless facebook posts -- and we're managing to keep regular dates in our diaries.
The picking and subsequent flinching of my emotional scab from my divorce has been much better over the last month, certainly since my last post. Even if thoughts of my ex wife pop into my head, triggered by en event or place or whatever, there is no emotion attached (good or bad), and she quickly buggers off. My current relationship feels less connected/affected by my past. It really just takes times, doesn't it. OR maybe time and getting it out in my journal. It is definitely good to be letting go of some of that burden.
On the health front, I'm not quite as light as I'd like to be. It just keeps getting tougher, but I'm now thinking about ways to change my midweek suppers, back to the food is fuel concept, and eating basic, healthy things with vegetables, pulses and grains. However, the couple days off alcohol each week are feeling good, I'm still not smoking, and I'm getting in three cycles per week on average. I'm going to Pilates but I don't really like the class, so this week I'm trying another mat teacher, with a plan to try another local place in the autumn.
I had a dip with the cooking but recently I'm feeling more inspired by going to the local farmer's market. I've got a big joint cooking adventure next weekend that I'm really looking forward to. Gravadlax is curing right now in the fridge with my own recipe, and we shall be making a pork pie from scratch for our pre-opera picnic.
There's been enough outting for both in a couple and with friends, with plenty more coming up. My new itch is trying to get to do something different. Maybe that circus pub or a workshop.
The focus and confidence is very much a work in progress. It feels good when I can manage it. That goes for both home and work. Work in general is a WIP, but I'm practicing, which is all I can ask of myself. Again, worth reminding myself of that.
So once again, if I'd just give myself a chance to stop and look around, I'd see that despite the ups and downs, my direction of travel is good. That, and more sunshine please.